Denial
by tigersbride
Summary: He's always the person she goes to, in any circumstance.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story for Silent Witness, but I'm using writing to bridge the gap until I can finally watch ATIFIL, as I was one of the unlucky people who did NOT realise it was on itunes until far too late. I've only done a little chapter here, but hopefully it's enough to get someone interested! I'll update again ASAP, but may not be until after the weekend. **

**Everything is, I am afraid, unbetaed, so all mistakes are mine, and of course I do not own anything, much to my distaste, as I'd like a piece of Harry! **

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'Jesus, what is with me lately?'

The thought ran through Dr Nikki Alexander's head as she shook it vigorously. Why she had become so angry simply at dropping a knife as she prepared dinner, she couldn't understand. Her emotions had been all over the place for the past few weeks. She bent over and picked the knife up, gave it a quick wash and went back to cutting a portion from her home-cooked lasagne.

She took her dinner in front of the TV, and ate it quickly, enjoying the unexpected and unusual time off from work. It was rare nowadays that she had an evening to herself, without so much as a phone call warning of the potential for work. Normally she was warned off of the wine for this reason. It was a bit early tonight to start thinking about opening the rosé. She sipped a cup of fruit juice instead.

Despite herself, she wondered what her colleague and best friend was doing now. Her heart ached slightly as Harry's image crossed her mind, but she suppressed the emotion and focused on finishing the last new potato on her plate, chasing it with her fork.

A buzz from Nikki's mobile brought the painful feeling back. It was accompanied this time though by a slight smirk from the corner of her lips as she read her message.

'Never knew time off was so boring!' it read.

She gulped down her last mouthful of food and dropped her plate in the sink, donning her slippers before returning to the cream leather embrace of her sofa. Using her landline, she hit the speed dial, and after a few moments was rewarded by the sound of the familiar, deep voice she loved so much.

They chatted idly for a few minutes, while Harry complained about his boredom and Nikki fed him sarcastic sympathies, until Harry brought up the reason they both knew they were on the phone.

"So, do you want to come over? Maybe get a takeaway and watch a DVD?"

"Well actually Harry I've already eaten" Nikki teased. Harry faked a groan and commented that perhaps Leo would be interested in an awkward 'lad's night in', before she giggled and agreed to come over within the hour.

After hanging up the phone, Nikki slipped up to her bedroom, removing the comfy, burgundy sweater and thin, worn jeans that she'd slouched in for the evening. She checked her wardrobes, her brow creasing slightly as she noted the lack of anything new to wear. With a slight shrug, she donned a cowl neck top of royal blue faux-silk, one that she remembered Harry had complimented once. She hoped it was long enough since she had worn it that he would have forgotten she had it. She plucked a tight black skirt out of her drawer and pulled it over her curves, cursing as she struggled slightly more than usual with the zip.

As she faced the mirror, she applied her eye makeup and lipstick, staring at herself with a slight disappointed frown. She seemed to be getting old. She hated noticing this, as it led to dark thoughts about her future. She was by no means old, but for a woman who still aspired to one day settle down and have a family, she was starting to lag behind expectations. Was she still waiting for the right man to come along? Or was she refusing to believe that she had already found him? Nikki gazed at herself for a few moments before she noted a dampness in her eyes. She stared at this for a couple of seconds before she realised she was upset. She sighed and blinked, confused at her current emotional state. She definitely needed more sleep.

Nikki clutched the black elastic that had been holding her hair in a messy bun, and pulled it out, allowing her blonde curls to flow, tousled slightly, down her back. She grabbed her jacket and zipped on her favourite black leather boots, before taking her handbag in one hand and her car keys in the other, and closing the door to her home behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

**I actually managed to grab a little time off this morning, so I got this done far quicker than expected. Thankyou to all my lovely reviews. Hope you like this...!**

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The black car outside pulled up and Harry Cunningham smiled as he heard the engine stop. He stood and peered out of the window, an involuntary grin crossing his defined lips as he saw the head of his favourite blonde bobbing up out of the car. He quickly moved over to his intercom, and counted three seconds before whispering 'Boo!'. The resulting screech made him laugh as he pressed the button to allow his guest in.

After 30 seconds or so he answered the knock at his door and grinned.

"You really scared me then" Nikki exclaimed, looking irritated. She dropped her bag and keys by the door and made herself at home by dropping into the soft fabric of Harry's worn old sofa. Harry smiled at how comfortable she was in his place, and took his place in the corner of the sofa just beside her, turning his head so he was looking directly at her. He noticed her full red lips and caught himself longing to have them, but he also noticed her eyes. She looked a bit tired; there were the beginnings of purple marks under her dark orbs, and the hint of redness around her eyelids, almost as if she'd been upset. His brow furrowed momentarily, and she caught sight of his expression.

"What is it?" She asked quietly. He smiled, passing it off. He crossed to the messy stack of boxes under his television, kneeling down and grabbing a few from the pile and passing them to her.

"What do you want to watch?" He asked, laughing as he saw her expression. Apparently Nikki wasn't too keen on old war films. She grinned, handing them back and joining him on the floor. Harry became incredibly aware of how close they were and his heart rate quickened out of his control, just like it always did when she was near him.

"Your film collection is terrible" She moaned. "We should have done this at mine."

"Last time we did this at yours we ended up watching the worst film ever, and we got so drunk that I'm not sure what even happened apart from waking up on your floor the next morning, and finding you in the bath!" He laughed. He watched as she smiled at the memory, but stared at the floor. Something was up with her tonight, but he couldn't place it. Better to ask and be turned away than to deny her the opportunity to talk about what was bothering her, he reasoned.

"You alright, Nik? You're a bit quiet tonight" He chanced.

Nikki sighed deeply, closing her eyes for a long moment before lifting them to meet his concern. "I'm fine Harry, honestly, I think I'm over tired, I've just been a bit of an emotional wreck recently."

He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze, raising his other arm slightly in an involuntary offering of a hug. Nikki responded warmly and leant gently into him, nuzzling her face into his neck and enjoying his familiar, musky, Harry smell. Whenever Harry hugged her, he couldn't help but notice the feel of her soft hair as it tickled his cheek, and the scent she wore that was so typically her. It was reassuring, it was home.

When the hug got to the awkward, inevitable point where it was almost too long for friends and was better suited to lovers, Nikki pulled back, and met Harry's eyes warmly, heart skipping slightly as she gazed into his eyes. She relocated back to her spot on the sofa, while Harry inserted a DVD into the player. Nikki didn't care what particular war film it was, she had already made up her mind that it wouldn't interest her. It didn't matter, she was enjoying being in Harry's company.

"Wine?" Harry asked her as the DVD menu loaded. He stood up ready to go into the kitchen. Nikki shook her head.

"I don't fancy it tonight, thanks".

"Suit yourself" He grinned back at her, returning shortly with a large glass of red.

The film was predictably uninteresting to Nikki, far too much violence, characters she couldn't relate with, and too much politics for her liking. It wasn't until near the end of the film, when a main character was shot dead and his wife at home was informed that she showed any interest. Nikki choked back the lump in her throat but failed to keep a tear from spilling down her rosy cheek. She hoped in vain that Harry hadn't noticed, but sure enough he was watching her intently, and gazed at her, clearly worried.

"It's sad" Nikki said defensively as he turned to face her.

"Not _that_ sad Nik" He protested. He pulled her into his embrace for the second time tonight and wondered what was going on that she didn't want to tell him as she sobbed into his shoulder. He was concerned. She was his best friend and his colleague, she affected almost every aspect of his life and he always took her into account before making big decisions. They told each other everything, or so he'd thought.

"What's going on Nikki, please tell me" Harry moaned quietly into her hair. She pulled away as she had before, smiling this time.

"I swear to you that nothing is going on, I'm just all over the place recently, I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm really emotional at the moment."

She sounded sincere, and it put his mind at ease. Harry grabbed a box of tissues from the end table and she took one gratefully.

"You women and your PMS" He grinned, turning back to the film with his arm around her shoulder.

Silently, Nikki was enveloped by fear. Harry had just made her realise the one crucial thing that she had forgotten.


	3. Chapter 3

**I've only managed a little chapter for the time being but you should be getting more tomorrow with any luck! Thanks for all the lovely reviews, hope you like it even if it is a strange story! **

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"Could this be more unhygienic?" Nikki muttered to herself as she pulled the zipper on her trousers and crossed to the sink to wash her hands. Her heart was pounding, the adrenaline had properly kicked in now. Part of her wanted just to ignore it, it wasn't too late, but sensible side of Nikki knew that she needed to find out the truth.

After a couple of minutes, she gulped, and looked down to meet her fate. She stared in horror at the little blue cross. Shit. This was going to be awkward. What the hell was she going to do? Her heart panged slightly as she thought about the reason she'd got into this mess. Part of her was glad that Harry didn't remember anything, but it would have made life easier now if he had.

"Nikki" he'd moaned, his tone laced with sweetness and need. She'd laughed at him as he stroked his fingers down her face. She'd leaned into his palm and smiled up at him, the alcohol clouding her judgement. He'd smiled back, expression full of longing, and he'd shifted himself toward her. She hadn't had it in her to move away. They'd got through a lot of wine between them. She remembered gazing at the 4 empty bottles on the floor, and how it had felt when Harry had finally moved in and kissed her cheek gently. Nikki remembered his smell, remembered the touch of alcohol that laced through his musk. She remembered smiling, remembered moving her own mouth to meet his, lips drawn to each other as if magnetic.

There were gaps in her memory of that night, but she remembered him being inside her. She remembered the gentle thrusts and the overwhelming sensations of pleasure, of purpose, but most importantly of belonging.

Nikki remembered waking up early in the morning, noticing her own naked body wrapped in Harry's on her living room floor. She had panicked. She'd pulled the throw off of the sofa and draped it over Harry, donned her underwear and retreated to the bathroom. She'd felt it looked more believable if she hadn't been found in her bed. Normally they wouldn't have had a problem sharing her bed, so it might have aroused suspicions.

She'd had no regrets of her actions, it would stop it being awkward at work at least. At least now she knew that he wanted her, that he'd realised they were built for each other. When she wanted to settle down he would have been there. But now, now she regretted concealing her secret memories. Now she had a problem, and a life-changing decision to make, and she only had one person she ever turned to.

Why did she always have to complicate things?


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we go, as promised! Thanks again for all the reviews, glad you're all enjoying it. Thought I'd do something a bit different anyway. (:**

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"I've made the appropriate referrals" Dr Harris stated in his deep, lifeless tone. Nikki had been with the same GP for years. She appreciated the comfort that the flecked magnolia walls offered, and the familiarity of the fake Monet that hung limply on them.

"Thanks" Nikki smiled, poorly attempting to disguise her fear.

"You have a scan on the 24th to check that everything is ok so far, and work out your dates" He continued. Nikki smirked slightly. She was definitely sure of her dates. It didn't take a genius to work it out when her sex life was as it was. One partner on one night in the last 6 months didn't leave much room for error. She thanked the doctor again and left the room with her information packs in hand. Grimacing slightly, she folded them up and stuffed them into her handbag, piling a few things on top so they weren't noticeable. She took out her phone and began to dial a familiar number, keeping the pact she'd made with herself for after her appointment.

Taking a deep breath, Nikki pressed call and waited for the answer.

"Hey Nikki" the voice answered, "What is it?"

"Leo..." Nikki begun, unsure what to say. "Can I meet you somewhere? I need to talk to you"

A little while later Nikki found herself in a local coffee shop waiting for her boss. How she was going to tell him what a mess she was in she didn't know. She figured she'd just have to work it out as she went along. At least she had the information leaflets to give him if she got really stuck, that would explain it pretty well.

She swallowed and took a deep breath as she saw him enter. He had that concerned look on his face, like a father concerned for the wellbeing of a child. She smiled. Leo would always be there for both her and Harry. He saw her and smiled, crossing the room to take the seat opposite her. After meeting his eyes for a few seconds, Nikki started to panic and dropped her gaze to the coffees she had ordered for them both. She wondered what the hell she was doing.

"What's going on, Nikki?" Leo's voice was always calm, always soothing.

"Something's happened" She muttered, barely more than a whisper. In the quiet of the cafe it still seemed too loud. "It's just that... well I've got myself... there's a ... I'm..."

"Nikki" Leo said firmly, stopping her from faltering.

"Leo I'm pregnant" She said quietly, finally saying it out loud. She'd managed to avoid the word in front of Dr Harris, whimpering about a missed period and a positive test. She continued to stare fixedly at her coffee, watching the steam rising. She noticed Leo moving back slightly in his chair. It felt like she was a teenager, telling a disappointed parent that she'd failed a test. It shouldn't be like this.

"When did you find out?" Leo asked softly.

"Yesterday" She mumbled, chancing a glance into his eyes. They were staring down at her kindly, sympathetically. She'd dreamed of the day she found out she was going to have a baby. Nothing in her imagination had prepared her for this.

"And you're keeping it?" He said gently. She nodded in response. She knew what he wanted to know, she was waiting for him to pluck up the courage to ask the question.

"Who is the father, Nik?" There it was. She sighed and ran her head through her hands. She was going to have to tell the truth. She was going to need Harry's help in this, and didn't need the judgement that lying would bring. As if she was answering him, Nikki brought her eyes up to look at Leo, taking a deep breath in that simply told him he already knew his answer.

"Harry didn't tell me that you two had... well... hooked up" Leo muttered. He didn't seem shocked.

Nikki shook her head and ran her hands through her head once again, her disappointment in herself clear.

Leo stared at her, eyes starting to widen. "Nikki, tell me he knows"

Her silence was enough of an answer.

"You have to tell him! Jesus Christ Nikki, he's the father of your unborn baby and he doesn't even know he's slept with you? What did you do give him Rohypnol?"

This actually was enough to prompt a little smile at the corner of Nikki's lips. The idea that she would actually drug Harry to get him into bed. The idea that she'd need to.

"We were incredibly drunk" She admitted.

Leo sat back again and stared at her, still in disbelief. "We can sort this out, you know, it's going to be alright" He reassured her. "But Nikki, I am not going to help you until you tell Harry."


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay and thanks again for the reviews! Enjoy... ;)**

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She thought her heart might actually pound its way out of her ribcage, it was going so fast. She could barely breathe. She was feeling dizzy and nauseous, but she put that down to the toils of early pregnancy. In some ways, the moment couldn't come soon enough. She couldn't wait to get it out of the way, but she was dreading it more than she had ever dreaded anything before. Nikki caught sight of herself in the rear view mirror, and cringed. She looked like a mess, her face was pale, far paler than usual, and tiny beads of sweat had gathered on her forehead. She wiped them away quickly with her hand, and took the familiar turning into the Lyell centre.

After a few minutes Nikki found herself walking down toward the offices, and gulped back a swallow when she caught Harry's eye and he grinned wickedly at her. He looked excited about something. For a moment, she prayed that Leo had told him the news, and that perhaps he was be happy. That would be a scenario that hadn't crossed her mind. Mostly her nightmares had been filled with Harry storming out in a fit of anger, accusing her of lying, or of refusing to see her again.

Her hopes were crushed instantly however, when he started to speak.

"Guess what?" He beamed. Nikki stared at him blankly and shook her head silently. "I had the best date last night."

Nikki continued to stare at him, for what was probably an inappropriate amount of time. She didn't know. It could have been minutes or it could have been seconds. How could she tell a man with a new girlfriend that he had unknowingly fathered a baby? Any other day she would have smirked at him and wished him well, asked details even. Today the news sickened her stomach and forced her own mouth shut. Leo was not going to be happy, but there was no way she could tell Harry the truth while this girl was around, it wouldn't be fair on either of them. The heart that had once threatened to beat its way out of her had now stopped, but had apparently shattered into pieces and destroyed her mind.

"Are you alright, Nik?" The deep voice was laced with concern, and it shook her out of her musings. He was suddenly closer to her, and his hand was on her cheek, head cocked slightly to one side.

"I'm fine" She blinked, tears that she didn't know were there spilt over the edges of her eyelids and skated softly down her pale cheeks.

"Nikki what is?" Harry asked, fearfully now. He grabbed her waist and pulled her down into a chair, kneeling in front of her with her head drooping onto his shoulder.

It was Harry's turn to feel like time had stopped. Waiting for Nikki to cry it out before she spoke was excruciating. His mind raced. As far as he knew, nothing had changed, there was no reason for her to get so upset over his dating someone else. He knew that this thing with Steph wouldn't last forever, but he was going to enjoy it while it lasted. What had he done that had left the usually so stoic Nikki a mess? Was it even him that was in the wrong?

"Harry I'm pregnant" Nikki blurted out of the blue, still sobbing desperately. She stood up suddenly and left the room, leaving a stunned Harry still kneeling on the floor.

He was shocked into stillness. His whole world had collapsed around him in a matter of seconds. This was it. He was too late, someone else had got there first. His heart panged at the thought that she hadn't even told him that she was seeing someone, let alone that it was serious. She hadn't told him about her having anyone in months though, he reasoned. Was this the end? There could be no fairytale ending after this. No marriage and kids with the girl of his dreams. That should be his baby, not some stranger's. Suddenly Steph didn't seem so alluring.

Harry stood and started to wander around the building, unaware of the tears that skirted his own cheekbones as he tried to find Nikki. He needed to talk to her about this, after all. He was angry that she'd kept him out of the loop, angry that she'd unwittingly destroyed the future he was so sure he'd one day begin, but most of all he was scared for her. His mind was so caught up in everything that had just happened that he didn't even notice Leo until he'd smashed right into him.

"Harry" Leo said softly. He seemed to know what was going on. Harry wished that could be a comforting thought, that he could talk to this about someone, but instead all he could see was Nikki telling him last, that he'd lost her trust, that she didn't care about him any more. "Come with me"

The next thing Harry knew, he was sat in an armchair in Leo's office with a cup of tea.

"What happened?" Leo demanded sternly. His authoritative tone was one that Harry only knew from disagreements in cases, and it was enough to shake him into action.

"She just told me that she's pregnant" He said quietly, barely more than a whisper.

"What else?"

"That was it, she didn't say anything else."

"Did you say anything to her?"

"No" Harry said slowly. "I told her about my date last night, and then she started crying, she told me she was pregnant and she ran out."

Leo sighed deeply and ran his hand over his head.

"What has she told you, Leo? Who is he?" Harry's tone was begging, he was pleading with Leo to end his misery.

"It's not for me to say. You need to talk to her."

"But how can I when she won't talk to me? She obviously doesn't trust me, I didn't even know she was seeing someone. I don't know what she wants, or who she wants to talk to... but" He choked slightly "But it's obviously not me."

Leo paused for a few moments, deep in thought. "You're lucky that we haven't got much on today. Go to her place. I've just sent her back... She was in no state to work today and I doubt that you are either. Just take the day off and come back tomorrow as friends and I'll let you off."

Harry nodded silently and left the office.

Leo sighed again. He couldn't blame Nikki for not telling Harry the truth after what he'd said to her, but he wished she'd just waited a week or two until Harry had decided that this Steph wasn't what he wanted in the end, which is what usually happened. Perhaps by forcing them together when they were at their most vulnerable he'd jump start them into realising their feelings?

Leo laughed slightly. As if that would ever happen, they were far too stubborn. As long as Harry acted like a true friend and supported her through this pregnancy, he'd let Nikki tell him in her own time.


	6. Chapter 6

**I thought I'd try and update nice and fast because I'm being so mean to you all! This isn't a very long chapter though. I meant to say as well, I know many of you have seen it but because I didn't really go into Harry and Nikki's night together I wrote the night out, but it's an M as it's pretty smutty. Hope you enjoy anyway, thanks for reviews!**

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"Nikki, please let me in" Harry's third knock on the door sounded more desperate than the others. Leo had obviously told him she was here. She groaned and crossed to the door, preparing herself to confront everything. She let him in silently, but went back to her sofa where she curled back up into a ball. He followed her and sat down next to her. It had never been more awkward between them, not once. The tension was so thick that you could cut it with less than a knife; you could mould it into shapes with your fingers.

Harry didn't know what to say. His anger at her had dissipated slightly, enough that he could lock it up for the time being. She needed someone right now, and whether or not she wanted that person to be him he was there. He prized her arm out from her defensive ball and squeezed her hand tightly. He hadn't realised just how much he'd wanted her until she was taken from him. He didn't know how desperately he would wish that the baby that grew inside her was his baby. He started to wonder if she'd let him pretend it was his baby, if she'd let him be this baby's father, even if he wasn't biologically. He knew Nikki well enough to know that she was usually careful though, and she was probably seeing some lucky bastard who was delighted to become a father, who would do the job better than he ever could. Before he could start making promises to her, before he could offer himself to her, he needed to know what her situation was, and if there was a boyfriend responsible for all this.

"I want to help you, Nikki" he began quietly. "But I need to know if you need me. I'm not asking you to tell me who he is if you don't want to, I just can't bear to think of you alone."

Nikki looked up slightly, just meeting his eyes. He thought she was with someone, thought that she'd kept him in the dark about a boyfriend. She stared at him blankly, trying to decide what to say to him. She couldn't tell him the truth while he had a girlfriend, but she couldn't lie to him, it was Harry. She shook her head softly. "It was just a one night stand, Harry, I can't tell him."

At least that was partly the truth. Nikki sighed. She wanted him to throw himself at her, wanted him to play happy families, but she wouldn't have him resent her for eternity if she made him give up his new relationship for a platonic, messed up family unit.

"I'll be here for you, Nik, with whatever you need. If you'll let me."

"I know Harry" She smiled slightly at him. "But I don't want you to ruin your life because I've screwed mine up. I mean, having kids has always been the plan, I just hadn't expected it to be like this."

"Nikki I don't care about this thing with Steph so much that..."

"But I don't want you to give it up because of me, Harry." Nikki interrupted boldly.

Harry rubbed his head with his hands. Today was such a mess. He knew she wouldn't let him be there. She was so stubborn. She was strong, but he didn't know if she was strong enough to do this alone. He thought that maybe he'd change the subject for a little while and see if it softened her up to the idea.

"I never even asked, are you happy?" He said softly. She smiled in return and nodded slightly. He knew it was the truth. He wondered if she would have been happier if it was their baby she carried. "When are you due?"

"Well, from my dates I'm already about 14 weeks, but I've got the scan to confirm that on the 24th." They smirked together, they both knew that that made her a late booker, which was pretty poor for someone in the medical field even if they usually dealt with death rather than life.

Harry pulled her into an embrace and they sat, cuddling for some time before Harry spoke again.

"You know you're more important to me than a girl I've been on one date with, don't you?"

"Harry, I appreciate it, but I'll be ok. I know you're there if I need you, I just can't have you throw it away for me." She smiled slightly, and added "She could be the one, you know."

Harry smirked at her and kissed the top of her head. "She's not" He whispered.

"I know" Nikki sighed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello my lovelies! Thanks again for all the reviews, I'm so terrible to you all ;) I hope you enjoy the next chapter, and I _really_ hope you don't find any factual inaccuracies - I'd be very embarrassed as I'm actually a midwife! But of course, let me know if you do! And as always, all mistakes are unfortunately mine. Hope you enjoy! I just want to cwtch down somewhere with Harry! :-(**

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Nikki couldn't help but wonder what her pregnancy would have been like if she'd asked Harry to leave Steph. If only she'd known that she wasn't just a casual fling it might have been different. Four and a half months had passed since she'd found out she was pregnant, and things were now starting to get slightly difficult; having a 36 week baby inside of you wasn't the easiest when you were bending over a table cutting open dead people for a living.

She'd the phone call last night. Harry had sounded down and Nikki had instantly known that he needed her. He'd come over and explained to her that he had left Steph. He'd told Nikki that she was getting too clingy, but somehow she knew that he'd done it so that he could be with her at this late stage in her pregnancy. They'd sat and watched a film, just as they used to, and aside from the constant kicks from the fetus, things were just as they used to be.

Guilt started to eat away at Nikki after that day. It seemed to her to be far too late in the pregnancy to leave Harry with the news that the baby was his. Admittedly, he'd acted every bit the father he didn't know he was. He'd been to all the scans with her (he had claimed that he wouldn't have stayed away if she'd wanted him to), and she'd noticed that he'd welled up when he saw the baby, even if he denied it afterwards. He'd been there every time she'd freaked out, including the one time she'd had to go to the hospital after an episode of high blood pressure. Although, they'd had the worst case of their careers that week. She wondered if he'd want to be with her for the birth. There was no one else she wanted there, no one else she had that could be with her, but she didn't know if it would be too far.

Leo kept on at her to tell him the truth, but she didn't see how she could, it was far too late. She couldn't decide if it was kinder not to burden him, or crueller to keep it from him. She had nearly told him, several times, to the extent that he knew there was something she was keeping from him.

Another week passed, and her visits to the midwife became more frequent. She too, seemed to be on Leo's side. She had seen Harry and Nikki together frequently, but had known since the very start what Harry did not. She seemed to think it would be better if he knew.

"I know" Nikki agreed, "But how am I supposed to drop that on him now?"

The midwife smiled at her. "I bet you that he'd be happier than you think. He desperately wants to be the baby's father Nikki, I can see that much."

Nikki wished she could believe her. She lay back on the medical couch and lifted up her top to allow the midwife to palpate her growing bump. She chuckled as the midwife pulled out her doppler, the baby was always difficult, rolling away and kicking the doppler. It didn't want to be heard. The midwife always managed to defeat the baby though, and they grinned together as she finally secured the horse race sound they both knew signalled a healthy, happy fetus.

"Lovely, 145 beats per minute, growing lovely, obviously moving enough." The midwife smiled, jotting down a few things in Nikki's notes. "Have you thought much about what you want from your birth?"

Nikki sighed. "I still haven't asked Harry if he'll come in with me. I'm sure he will. I'd like to labour in the water, if I can, I think."

The midwife nodded and made a note. "I'll visit you at the house next week and we'll go through things so you know what to expect, but I think you and Harry need to have a serious talk about things, Nikki."

Nikki nodded, said goodbye and left. As she made her way to the car, she started to dial the familiar number on her phone, but chuckled when it rang first.

"How was it? Everything alright?" Harry asked.

"All fine" Nikki said with a smile. "What are you doing tonight? Would you be able to come over?"

"Actually I was going to ask you the same question" He chuckled. "There's something I want to ask you, but it can wait til tonight. Shall I come over for about 7?"

Nikki agreed and hung up the phone. She checked her watch, 4 o' clock. Just about time for a nap before Harry came over.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry this one is so short, I'll update again tomorrow I promise! But maybe you'll forgive me... maybe not. ;) I'm wicked to you all! As always thank you for reviewing, it makes me want to write quicker for you all! **

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Nikki's eyes opened and she blinked up at the ceiling. She looked over at the clock, 5.45. It was still 15 minutes before her alarm was due to go off. It was unusual for her to wake up before the alarm at the moment, she was so exhausted all the time. She lay back on the pillow for a few minutes while she gathered her bearings. As she lay back, she noticed a strange cramping pain in her abdomen. She'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for a few weeks now, it was just a case of waiting for it to pass. The pain seemed to get stronger, rather than weaker. She took a deep breath, trying to shake it off, but it wasn't going away. It began to radiate from the top of her bump down to the bottom, and it made her lower back ache. After about a minute it faded, and she tried to calm down so that she could think. She was 37 weeks, technically full term, so there would be no need for any serious interventions if this was the real thing.

Sure enough, after four minutes the pain was back, and it seemed to be even worse than the last time. This must have been why she woke up. She pushed all thought from her brain, she couldn't think right now, let alone move, it was excruciating. As that pain died off, she crawled out of bed and took her phone from her bedside table. She hit the speed dial and cursed the dialtone as the pain begun to build up again.

"Hey Nik" Harry's voice echoed over the line. She couldn't answer him, not just yet, this was horrible. She knew she was making some sort of noise, but she couldn't control it.

"Nikki?" Harry was concerned. The pain again began to leave her, and she managed to spit out an answer.

"Think I'm in labour, please come" She begged him. Tears were building in her eyes, she'd never been in so much pain, at least she was being allowed these brief rest periods between the agony.

"I'm on my way, have you called the hospital?" He asked hurriedly. She could hear him moving, obviously grabbing a few bits together before he left the house.

"Not yet" She breathed as it started over.

It seemed like an age before he got there, she'd just about managed to call the delivery suite, and on hearing her agreed that she should come straight in. Harry ran up into the house and threw the baby bag she had prepared onto his shoulder. She stared into his eyes, he looked more scared than she felt.

"Will you come with me?" She asked him desperately.

"Of course" He smiled at her, and helped her down to the car. "That's what I wanted to ask you, actually"

Nikki looked at him with sad eyes, wondering what the hell she was going to do now her last chance at telling Harry had slipped from between her fingers. She gasped slightly during the gap between her contractions.

"You're the only one I'd want there" She muttered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry it's such a tiny one again, but I didn't want to make you all wait and I had a specific request to update this morning from cariad1987 who's off on holiday, so I've done my best! You will get more soon though. I've got the rest planned out anyway but I don't think there will be many more chapters, maybe three at the most! Hope you enjoy!**

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Harry knew before he went in that labour could take hours. Apparently Nikki was progressing incredibly fast, but it still seemed like it had been forever. Watching her in pain like this was killing him. The water pool had helped now, she was able to talk to him almost normally between the contractions. The gas and air seemed pretty good too, she wasn't as vocal as before. It was the longest night of his life.

"Are you going to cut the cord, Harry?" The midwife with them asked. Harry looked down at Nikki, knowing full well that he'd love to do it. He just wasn't sure if it would be appropriate. "Squeamish are we?" The midwife joked.

"Not at all" Harry grinned. Nikki gave him a nod that told him he was allowed and he agreed happily.

"It won't be long now" The midwife assured him. He stared at her blankly, wondering how on earth she could tell. "Trust me" She laughed.

Sure enough, within an hour, 20 minutes after Nikki had started to push, the top of the baby's head was visible.

"The baby's got a lot of dark black hair" The midwife smiled at Harry.

After a few more contractions, and a lot of screaming, the midwife dived her hands into the water and pulled out Nikki's baby, handing it straight to its mother who sobbed into her new child. Harry kneeled behind her, holding his arms out around her to stroke the little baby's head.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Nikki asked, realising she didn't know. The midwife took the baby and held it up. Harry and Nikki laughed together. "Definitely a boy"

"He looks like his Daddy" The midwife smiled as she started to drain the water. Harry swallowed as he realised her error, but ignored it, staring at the tiny baby in Nikki's arms. He cut the cord, separating him from his mother and releasing him into his own life, and Nikki was helped out of the water for the delivery of the placenta. As she climbed out of the pool, the midwife gave the baby to Harry. He stared down at the little face that seemed to gain some consolation out of being held, and stopped blubbering as Harry held him.

"He likes you" Nikki grinned.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hope you all had a good weekend! Thanks for all the reviews, this is I think the penultimate chapter, but I hope you'll be happy. Enjoy! **

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Harry had stayed with Nikki since the baby's birth. Baby Oliver was never more settled than when Harry had him, or he was being fed. Nikki couldn't have been more thankful for his being there. Her only problem was her guests, old friends who were only now paying visits. Everyone was kind of course and brought gifts, but that wasn't her problem. The majority of her visitors were unaware of her situation with Harry, and of these, most commented on how much the baby resembled Harry, while those who did know, such as Leo, couldn't have made it more obvious if they tried. Harry had given up correcting people, but Nikki was scared that it was getting to him. She knew she had to tell him, but she was exhausted and couldn't think of a worse conversation to bring up when she really needed him around.

When Oliver was four days old, her old school friend Jennifer came to visit. Harry let her in, and sat down on the sofa near Nikki when Oliver was in Jennifer's arms.

"He looks so much like you!" She exclaimed happily. Harry smiled at her, but the look in his eyes was telling Nikki that he was feeling exactly the opposite of happy.

"I'm just going to grab something a sec" He muttered to Nikki, and slipped into the bedroom. After he'd been in there for a few minutes, Nikki became worried. Jennifer agreed to watch Oliver for a little while, under the excuse that she was just going to get some new clothes ready for him.

When she entered the bedroom, she found Harry sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He hadn't heard her enter, but she could hear his small sobs. She sat down next to him on the bed, and realised just how much her denial had done to him.

"I'm fine, Nik" He whispered. "It's just a bit much."

"I'm so sorry" She responded softly.

"I need to go out for a while, I just need some time to think. He's been fed, he'll be ok for a while." He began, faltering his words. "I'm not leaving, Nikki, I'd never leave you. I love Oliver, you know, and I love... I'd never leave you."

Nikki blinked back her own tears as she nodded. He kissed the side of her head and crossed to the door.

"Harry, what if I told you... what if he was... you are his father, you know" Nikki looked at Harry desperately, terrified for his reaction.

"Nikki as much as I'll be a father figure I'll never be his father. I'll be back in a bit, don't worry."

Harry left the house with his heart in pieces. He loved the life he had here so much, but a piece of his heart rotted every time he realised he was living a lie. Every time he remembered that Nikki wasn't his woman, every time he realised Oliver wasn't his son, every time he realised they never would be. He found himself walking down into the local coffee shop. He ordered a cappuccino and sat in a corner of the shop to drink it. He sipped it slowly, his mind swilling with thoughts.

"Harry"

He looked up, surprised. Leo was sat in front of him with a concerned look on his face. "What... how did you know where I was?"

Leo raised his eyebrows, Harry knew that Nikki would have called Leo immediately. Coffee was Harry's drink when he was in a bad mood.

"It's not my life, Leo" Harry admitted quietly. "I want it to be so badly."

"Harry, I'm fed up with you two." Leo said sharply. "I'm fed up with you both being so stubborn. Why can you not admit it to yourself? Oliver is your baby Harry, you know that, don't you?"

Harry sighed and shook his head. "He's not really though."

"He is, Harry. Jesus Christ just look at him, everything about him he got from you."

"Leo I don't know what you're talking about, but I've never slept with Nikki, she's already said it was just a one night stand."

"Just think about it, for one second, just consider the possibility. Have you never had a night with Nikki that maybe you don't remember?"

"Leo stop it. I know he's not my baby."

"Do you really think that she wouldn't have told you who it was if it wasn't you?" Leo could see how much all of this was killing him. "You had a night, let's see, approximately 9 months from now, where apparently Nikki ended up asleep in the bath? Do you seriously think that's what happened?"

Harry was starting to become interested in what Leo was saying. "Leo, if that baby was mine she'd have told me as soon as she knew."

"Unless you told her you had a new girlfriend, on the same day."

"Then why did she not tell me afterwards?"

Leo smiled, it seemed like Harry was finally starting to believe him. "I tried to get her to, but she was just scared it was too late, scared that you'd leave her when she needed you."

"Leo... has she... do you..."

"She told me the day after she found out that she was pregnant, that it was your baby, Harry. Why do you think she came to me first?"

Harry was silent. He was angry, but everything made sense. Leo didn't blame her for not telling him, and if it had been the other way round he was sure he would have done the same. But he would scarcely allow himself to hope. If there had been no other man, then it would mean that they could be a family. He could be with the woman he loved, and bring up their son together.

"Leo promise me this is the truth" He said sternly, getting ready to leave.

"I promise you Harry" Leo smirked. "Go and speak to Nikki".

Harry grinned at him and left the coffee shop.


	11. Chapter 11

**So this is the end everyone! Short but sweet, hope you enjoy it! Thanks for all my lovely reviews throughout and I hope you've enjoyed reading as much as I have writing. (I finally saw the (clipped) ATIFL last night, the looks they give each other are just amazing). Enjoy!**

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Harry broke into a bit of a run before he reached Nikki's apartment building. He entered the code and ran up the steps, opening the door when he got there, ready to pounce.

He went straight through to the living room, and was about to blurt out all of his thoughts and feelings when he noticed Jennifer sat opposite Nikki. He'd forgotten she was here. Nikki looked up, relief obvious on her face.

"Nice walk?" She asked gently.

Harry nodded slowly, being careful with his words. "Yeah, I bumped into Leo, actually."

Oliver was starting to gurgle in his Moses basket. Harry crossed the room and picked him up.

"How's Daddy's boy been for Mummy?" He grinned down at the little baby. He turned to look at Nikki, who was gazing up at him in wonder. A smile broke out on her face, and she gestured for him to sit down by her. Sitting closer to her, Harry could plainly see the threatening tears that had built up in Nikki's eyes, and the redness that had lined them.

Neither of them could wait for Jennifer to leave, rude as it seemed. When she finally announced her departure, Nikki smiled and showed her out. She turned and jumped as she noticed Harry was right behind her. She opened her mouth slightly, about to speak, but Harry stopped her.

He took her face in his hands, and leant down, kissing her softly on the lips. Nikki wrapped her arms around his waist and responded warmly. When he pulled back, he dropped his arms down to hold her shoulders and stared into her eyes.

"I've been such an idiot" He said quietly.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you." She replied, but she couldn't keep the smile off of her face. He smiled back.

"It's alright. I mean, I'm a bit angry that you didn't tell me, but I understand your reasons for it. I don't really know what I think right now. I just, I can't tell you how much it means to me that I'm... that I'm a dad." He said, breaking out into laughter.

Nikki grinned up at him. Harry smiled back, but his face suddenly dropped.

"I thought I'd lost you, Nik" He admitted. "I had this whole life planned out with you in it, and I thought I'd ruined it all by not jumping on you when I had the chance."

"No, you ruined it by jumping on me when you had the chance." Nikki laughed.

"One thing I'm sure of though, when I thought I'd lost you I realised that I was meant to be with you, and that I didn't want anything more. I've loved you for years, Nikki"

Nikki smiled up at him "I know Harry, I've always loved you too"

Harry grinned down at Nikki, and kissed her once more on the lips. "I can't guarantee that I'll stop being angry straight away, Nik." He admitted "But I'll try my best, and I promise you that by knowing that beautiful boy in there is... not even because he's mine but because he's ours, and because I have you, you've made me the happiest man in the world."


End file.
